"It's Saturday and I had no appointment, but Shawn told me you were here and went to see if you can spend five minutes ... "
Laureen looked over the lenses of his glasses on the tip that led almost and nose in a gesture of surprise raised his eyebrows: "I assure you you're the last person I expected to come here! "
Justin looked down without moving the door from the circles that you wore as they had punched and look sad, Laureen understood that the initial idea to ask him politely to come back later, perhaps for lunch, had to be discarded.
"Sit down Justin."
The boy smiled a shy smile of thanks that, while having met only a couple of times, did not recognize: Where was all the security and swagger of that young man?
Something had happened with Brian, or Scarlett.
waited patiently Justin reached the leather seat, took off his glasses and looked at him with a serious look: "Do not offer a coffee, even though you have the look of someone who has not slept all night, because nothing makes me think that you can collapse from sleep, "notes that only gives a faint smile readmission.
"What happened?" He asked in a whisper friendly.
****
"How much sleep Scarlett" asked Gus to hang around the kitchen counter. He threw an eye on the clock noting that they were already half-past ten.
Brian chuckled while she was pouring the cereal into the milk and shrugged his shoulders: "Very, took from his father."
Gus raised his eyebrows thinking about which of the two fathers of Scarlett Brian was referring to on the high stool and sat waiting for breakfast.
"Justin is sleeping?"
"No," Brian informed him toward him with a steaming cup in his hand - "came out early this morning "he went on without knowing exactly 'what' soon. He woke up at nine after being unable to sleep when out already dawned and had found a post-it on the bathroom mirror: 'I go, I'll join you for lunch from Linds'.
"Please do not fuss with breakfast, I broke my head," asked Brian and his son looked at him with liquid eyes and swallowing very publicly.
"What?" Asked Brian to-skin sensing the discomfort of Gus.
The boy blinked and looked down on the toilet where cereals were already taking the texture of seaweed and sticky you put the spoon beginning to stir. Brian looked at the animal food that was being formed that morning and thought that Gus would not have had breakfast.
"Sorry dad, but last night I was going to drink and ..." She bit her lip decided not to look at the father for fear of being scolded for having kicked his nose into business that did not concern him "I heard arguing ..."
Brian inhaled through the nose without taking his eyes from the hypnotic spin of milk into the cup.
"Sometimes it happens that adults Gus quarrel, it means nothing, the mothers do not ever fight?"
Gus nodded without even looking up at her father that she placed her nape with a sad look, well aware of what it means to hear their parents argue.
"Gus, do not worry. I assure you that nothing has happened. It's all right. Some Scazzi sometimes happens. You know how we did and Justin, "chuckled the hope of being convincing.
The boy finally got a look at him and merely nodded forcing a smile.
Brian stared again at the fuzzy cup, he knew that was not enough and not enough for him because his son was not an idiot.
The tone of the quarrel was not that of 'normal Scazzi' and, especially, Gus had probably heard a lot about her sister and the woman who had given birth which had never been informed before. It also had probably realized that Justin had done something with this woman he had met, had made to meet Scarlett.
"Gus," called attention to the child.
"I do not like milk dad ..."
Brian nodded once sighed and moved the cup from one side of the kitchen bench with the back of your hand.
"I'm not angry because you've heard. Had to be careful we do not you, "she reassured him and heard a slight sigh of relief in the first chest of the child.
"If there's something you want to ask Gus, ask me no problems, I'll answer," offered Brian giving the child not only reassurance but, more importantly, trust.
Confidence that could not only ask but also understand the answers.
***
Laureen, as Brian the night before, had heard the story of Justin river without flinching and without ever interrupting.
When he realized that the story was finished with the bathroom door that had closed in the face of Justin, he cleared his throat and rested his elbows on the desk, crossing her hands.
"What did you ask me," he asked trying not to show off a tone too professional. Refrained from any comment because he would not be a judge of a situation so complicated without the first would be required.
Justin looked at her with rapt with fear, he understood all too well: "If you can ..."
"What?"
"What memories Scarlett, one day ..."
Laureen nodded once with arched eyebrows: good sign. Justin was worried about his daughter and not for himself, and the delicate situation in which it was found with Brian and, of course, caused him as much frustration and anxiety.
The woman leaned back on the comfortable chair and began to fiddle with the arms of the glasses: "There is evidence that no cognitive memory remains in the mind of a person conscious of what happens from zero to three years. There remain only the feelings of serenity and deep as opposed to terror, but no visual memory can bring to light a situation seen or heard within that age range. The reason is very simple, until three years the capacity logical reasoning of a child does not exist and then failing to give a name to what he sees or feels, he can not catalog it. I do not know what I mean, "Justin said and nodded nervously passing his tongue over his dry lips.
"What's different from three years onwards. From that age the child begins to develop the language of logic and then give a name to what he sees or hears. It grows more than the memories fit in the archive of the brain in an increasingly ordered. Obvious that with increasing age ninety percent memories disappear but some situations are very clear in the minds of everyone. Who does not remember some facts dating back to kindergarten, for example? "Shrugged his shoulders -" so the answer to your question is 'yes', could remember. "
"Perfect," Justin bitter spat out running a hand over his forehead.
"The point that escapes me Justin, however," went on to do his usual pragmatic - "Is how this is a problem for you or Brian. If you intend, as you said, talking about Luise, to show her the picture, what can be so terrible to think that you can also view it a day? "
Justin frowned surprised eyebrows: just the woman did not understand? She 'escaped the point'? He shook his head in disbelief: "But how? Brian is right, if ... "
" Brian is right? " she interrupted emphasizing the wonder.
Justin's mouth closed in an expression Laureen surprised and shook his head with a slight smile surprised: "So if Brian is right, what you said, that he was fighting the ghosts of his fears, against his own mental projections and not against a real, objective danger to all the little stupid things you thought were "asked Justin putting even aware of his action, so well known now Michael. Everything you said was heard before him, shall be recorded and used against you if necessary. And without that, to do this, she should at straws, even the arguments were unassailable in their logic.
"No, no ... I thought the" mess Justin feeling like when he was plucked from interrogation to surprise the teacher and had not studied.
"So Brian has no reason," notes Laureen obvious opening hands and smiling as he always did when it showed its claim with the same mathematical logic that applies to the fact that two plus two make four , whatever you try to stir.
Justin sighed, to the strings. "I fucked up," he murmured as if to feel entirely to blame for something even by an authority in the field of mental paths.
"This is beyond any doubt Justin," she agreed cold.
Justin felt impatient and angry, and Laureen noticed that the head snapped sideways, the smile that was printed in the face and eyes became lively and attentive.
the tough guy. Precisely for this reason he said the true saying that he was the last person he expected to see in his study. Contrary to what Michael thought, an appeal of Brian would surprise a lot less.
"So if it is beyond any doubt ..." Justin began with an air of arrogance to the limit, "Brian ..."
"Brian is scared, terrified ... " she interrupted.
"Let me finish," asked Justin and Lauren decided she could not suppress a smile aware - "No you do not let him finish Justin. I'm not your best friend and even the priest confessor. Right now I'm a professional at what you intended to get some 'clarity. Clearly that I can give only if I can get out of the short circuit in which neurotic you are at this moment. "
" Short Circuit neurotic? "
She shook to assume the head with: "You came here to get my professional opinion, or groped to convince me what you think is right or wrong? Why in the first case I can help, in the second, I'm sorry, but they are all and only your own business. "
All boldness Justin deflated like a cake halfway through cooking. Laureen waited a moment then nodded and continued: "As I was saying the opposite of what you Brian, rationally not bat an eyelid. This is exactly the same thing that I would have said. You have not done anything irreparable or even nothing so serious. But he does not react to reality, but fears that this reality, have awakened. "
Justin looked down in a submission that if he wanted to continue talking with her, it was necessary.
"The fact remains that what you did shows that at thirty un'impulsività child might be able to handle the case of a little 'more," she ruled so why not start to bask too complacent.
blue The boy looked up at her without speaking.
"And I think that is why, from an objective point of view, without necessarily having to be a psychiatrist to understand it, is what has angered Brian. In addition to the frustration of having excluded once again. "
Justin's face relaxed into an expression truly sad.
"The question is ..." continued the woman without a grant a moment of respite - "Why do not you trust Brian?"
Justin put his hands over his eyes weary sigh: "I came to talk about Scarlett and what can happen to her in consequence of what I did. "
Laureen closed his eyes staring at him with their tongues planted in between the teeth," What will happen to Scarlett now or in the future depends everything from the question that I've done before Justin. You are a couple of parents who have to relate to a daughter who will undoubtedly one day to ask yourself questions and concerns. Do not you think that the basis of your relationship are crucial for these responses? Do not you think the harmony, mutual trust and common vision of what is best for her to be basic? "
Justin's arms on the armrests of his chair collapsed.
"Yes"
'How Deep Is Your Love' - Take That
http://www .youtube.com / watch? v = gDbI81Tdx8U
****
"You know the mother of Scarlett," asked Gus to do even fearful.
Brian breathed from his nose and pinched the root of it with thumb and forefinger. Then threw a glance at the stairs to make sure that Scarlett was not around and looked at his son in the face: "Yes, yes indeed."
"So it was not an orphan ..."
Brian cleared his throat trying to find the best way to explain to a child because the adult world is not bi-color as theirs. Not everything was black or white.
"Gus was an orphan, because ..." she stopped snorting. It was more difficult than any problem had occurred to Kinnetik over the years had never been - "a mother because, by law, may decide not to keep her child. "
Gus Her eyebrows bent in the middle of the forehead in a quizzical look:" That a mother is a child and then abandons him, "he asked incredulously.
"It happens, yes," Brian confessed candidly knowing that Gus was a discovery for disarming.
"Why," asked only that the child causing a feeling of tenderness in Brian, opposite to that simple question - even for adults that was often that recurred in the mind astonished - he had to tighten the jaws to avoid being overwhelmed.
sighed with a slight smile on his face and put a finger to move the hair from in front of her son's eyes, thus giving it a gentle caress, "I do not know why Gus, I know that sometimes happens. The mother is not only the person who brought you into the belly, but it is mainly the person who loves you beyond everything. Mel is not your mom brought you in the womb but from Mom loves you. Is your mother with Lindsay. Just as I love Justin and Scarlett. And it is That's what makes the people of the 'mothers' and 'dad' Gus. Just this. You do not need a blood relationship, love does not need the ties of blood. "
Gus Brian smiled and nodded skeptical.
"What is a bond of blood," asked the father in child causing a slight laugh. Brian walked the perimeter of the kitchen counter and went to the child receiving him in an embrace.
*****
"I have confidence in Brian," Justin ruled in a trembling voice.
"No you do not trust Brian," with Laureen opposed to dry and straightforward.
"Yes!" Justin opposed to the brink of tears.
"If you cry, you can do Justin, there is nothing wrong, especially when you have every reason to do it," Laureen suggested in a tone so sweet that collapsed the banks of the boy. Justin's mouth tensed, his eyes became slits of water swollen, his face flushed and his hands went to rest again on the eyelids to finally accept the outburst.
Laureen waited without speaking until Justin pulled up the nose, sighed deeply, and wiped the drops of salty cheeks: "I hurt so much all these years "ruled disarmed in the face of an awareness that had always been there, somewhere.
"He never hurt you?" She asked carefully, watching from above his chin resting on interlaced fingers.
Justin nodded, "Yes, but ..."
"Yes but Justin does not mean anything," she interrupted him again - "Yes. Point. Neither did it out of malice or sadism, so there is no more suffering justified and the other even more important than the guilt. In fact there are no sins, only ... "he sighed with a smile Laureen aware -" the natural consequences of a relationship of two people who love each other and decide to share a lifetime. The integration between these two people, the process of adaptation, the difference of character. Not to mention that beyond the rhetoric of any finding, are the people we love most those who do usually suffer. Difficult to hurt those who do not love because we do not care about him. And you love very Brian, right? "
Justin nodded with new tears began to flow in the dreamy eyes and a smile:" It was the love of my life, and will forever! "
Laureen smiled and tried to swallow the emotion that Justin had caused in her throat: "You have no idea how many people around the world have the chance to talk about a 'love of their life' without use a verb in the past without thinking of someone who no longer or have never been able to get? Few, very few, and you're one of those Justin.
Justin felt a deep warmth spread from his chest and red face to those words: "I know," he admitted.
"So why always put your relationship at risk? Why do not you trust him? "
" But I trust him, "insisted the boy.
"No Justin, and anyway even if it did not is certainly what we perceive Brian. Can not prove it. Why do you doubt your intentions in words and his ability to understand the facts, "she expounded without knowing too much. But he had seen them together, he talked to Shawn and Justin had heard the speech.
So it was enough to get an idea of how to travel that relationship: a relationship between two people temperamentally poles apart but they were compensating for a time the limits of the other. And this was what bound them together so tightly: the respect and mutual appreciation for what one had and the other is not.
course, Laureen estimated, such a relationship can be easily fraintendile, create fractures and misunderstandings.
Justin silent submerged by the weight of that truth. It was not even two weeks before her who have questioned once again after years of real conviction Brian had chosen to have a family.
Laureen sighed waiting. He did not want to ask the boy as he would a patient because he was not, but did not even want to pose confidant friend: it was not not even that.
"You know that for people it is much easier to talk about their defects of its virtues," he asked seemingly changing the subject.
Justin looked at her quizzically, unable to understand the relationship of that statement.
Laureen smiled: "Put a person in front of three and explain its shortcomings, counter-battery, argue. Put it in front of three of its merits and will feel embarrassed, I could only stammer a shy gazie . "
Justin smiled," Do not Brian, he watches you as if to say 'wonderful discovery'! "
Laureen laughed heartily and showed agreement with the boy: "True. But we're not talking about Brian. Now let's talk about you. Tell Justin, because Brian is in love with you? Because of all those who have certainly tried to accalappiarselo, the contract is right in front of you? "
" exhaustion, " The boy smiled serenely self-deprecating air.
"Not so you know. But I want to know if you know the reason but it is also in love with you. What did you saw that made him understand that you were the person with whom to share a lifetime, even to have a child? "
Justin sighed, looking away and uncovering surprisingly short of arguments.
was a question that had never been placed and now he was astonished not to have a real answer.
"I know why I'm in love with him ..."
"I want to know if you know why he is in love with you."
" I do not really ... I know ... "
Laureen aware nodded:" But I, yes, but you have to get there alone. "
" a little help? "attempted with sly boy.
Laureen shook his head with a smile on his face just as smart.
Justin slapped a hand on his thigh and was closed in the back: "I do not know, probably at the beginning saw in me a person to drive, maybe I was tenderness."
"Why did you tenderly?" Laureen asked already knowing the answer but was having to give to Justin.
"I do not know, because I was young, inexperienced ..."
"Yes, of course, Brian is known to the person who is moved in front of the helpless little puppies, right?" She asked rhetorically knowing full well that doing so was not.
"No," Justin admitted.
"So?" She continued undeterred.
Justin sighed anxiety as had never happened, not even in the face of professors at the art institute examinations.
"Perhaps my stubbornness has intrigued by a certain point of view ..."
Laureen narrowed his eyes with an inquiring smile on his face: it was so close, to a single step but still could not see the answer.
"Why is Brian so a friend of my sister?" He asked, again unexpectedly.
"Why is it so a friend of your sister? "
" It does not seem to understand a difficult question, Justin. "
" Well, because ... because it certainly has the character Brian admired: strong, confident, ironic. And especially because he holds his head and despite what I call delusion of superiority Brian, he is attracted to and respect people who do not fear him, who held his head, with which it can have an equal relationship . The same goes for Debbie, the mother of Michael. Brian always listens and always because she is not intimidated by him, because he says what he thinks and does not feel inferior to him. "
Laureen silent with raised eyebrows and looked at Justin , with a questioning look.
"You've already said everything I want," she ruled in his course, but do absolutely cryptic to those who listened.
"In what way?"
The woman left go to a frustrated sigh that normally, with patients receiving treatment, he kept to himself.
"Why does anyone have a solution before our eyes but can not read it?" Asked the ceiling.
Justin rubbed his forehead: "I do not follow."
convinced She nodded: "You talk about Shawn and Debbie in a coherent, fluid. Make a discussion of what pleases them that Brian does a turn and is not enforceable in any way, but becomes a stuttering child when you talk about you. You really do not you recognize yourself in this type of character? "
Justin did not answer, just stared at her blue eyes in the green of her.
"You submit to you Brian?"
"No," Justin smiled - "Not really."
nodded Laureen : "The keep your head or take everything he says at face value?"
"The head I hold," Justin admitted.
"So?" The woman said almost impatiently.
"So?"
"It will not be this that has fascinated you? He chased you and you came back, he is determined to keep you and you're gone, you've struggled to get what you wanted in life, you never let go of the despair and, above all, you've done everything with him, but no 'thank you' to him. I would have done regardless. It will not be perhaps that he loves you? "
Justin looked down just as Lauren had predicted he would do: make a compliment to someone and cause embarrassment.
"Your strength, your stubbornness, your passion, your values, what you believe. Can you understand this? You are the person to whom he, although apparently so strong and safe, it can rely on, with which it can be himself. Admire your passion because he wants it too. "
"But if that's what brought us to this," said Justin confused, holding a hand to indicate the desk Laureen gestures to define the 'this' was referring to.
"No! It was not your passion to bring you this. It was an impulsive to do so. It is here that you can not distinguish quality from your own limits. "
Justin closed his mouth and leaned back in his chair with reflective air.
"In one gesture you have shown that you can not logically oppose a brake impulsivity, that even the presence of your daughter can let you oppose and that this also takes you to cut him off. That's why it's so ... "
" Furious, "Justin finished for her, wrong.
"No. It is not furious. It is disappointed, is frustrated and demoralized. "
Justin felt as if Laureen's had planted a knife in the chest.
"But this is even worse!" Opposed disbelief and despair.
"Definitely yes," Laureen confirmed with a placidity that Justin was asked if he was talking to him just for pure fun and sadistic staff.
'Gave It All Away' - Boyzone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n8fxrejX78
** ***
Brian smiled a radiant smile to the face of her child: a smile that his childhood had not been reserved for ever. And, perhaps just like Justin, he wondered how it was really possible.
"Now Gus," began to do serious with getting the attention of his son - "I've been informed of something important, they were aware of only adults. I gave you confidence. What do you think that I expect from you, "asked not inquisitorial tone but equal. Gus felt empowered by a father who finally spoke with him from 'big'.
He looked down and sighed slowly to reflect: "That's not to say it because Scarlett is too young to understand."
Brian smiled and Gus's eyes lit up.
"Right," confirmed his father, "and do not even ..." he asked in a small but important final exam.
"Even when I would do it out of spite because it makes me turn the balls. Oops, sorry ... "
Brian burst into merry laughter. "Do not apologize," said an accomplice ruffling his hair - "I know I would not feel very well and another way to define it myself! "
THIRD TIME
0 comments:
Post a Comment